Over the years, there have been a plethora of hard days. Those days that seem to never end. Those days when the clock continues to tick, but I feel like it is ticking without me. When I feel time passing, and feel myself barely existing.
Over the years I have heard so many pithy statements like “God doesn’t make junk,” “God had a plan for your life,” God does not waste the talents He has given you,” God works all things for the good of those who love Him,” and I have wanted to ask the pastor “do you know what it is to just exist?” I felt that these pithy statements spoke about a God for everyone else. I felt the days passing, and me just existing, and knew that all of those pithy statements had to be true for somebody, just not for me. At the time, though, I was just surviving. In surviving, all I could think was “God, you have to be kidding me. I am not made like that, maybe somebody else, but not somebody like me.”
I remember reading “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Eph 2:10 NIV) I thought that maybe I could be something, but not when I was having a bad day. I could not be something when I was a wreck. If God was going to use my life, I had to be okay. If I was doing well, then I could do all sorts of things for God. But not when I was struggling. I was barely scraping by some days. How could God use that?
Recently, though, I have come to know that the same God who promises that there is a rhyme and a rhythm to life has already seen all of my days. The same God who promises that my life means something has seen what my life will mean. The same God who promises that He has a plan for my life, has already seen it pan out. That God, the one who knows the end before the beginning, He is the God who promises that my life is going to mean something.
So what about the bad days? Can I do something good on a bad day? Maybe. The same God who promises that my life is going to matter (and yours too) never puts a caveat on His promise. He does not promise that only people who are sane have something to contribute to the world. He does not promise that only the strong have a place in His Kingdom. In fact, He says something the opposite.
Jesus declares in the sermon on the mount, ““Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.” (Matt 5:3-5 NIV) Paul echoes Jesus stating, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Cor 12:9 NIV)
So, God uses my bad days?
Yes. He uses all of them.
So, I still have worth and something that God has planned for me, even when I feel like God cannot possible use someone like me?
So, God can even use my barely making it?
God loves us all of our days. God sees the brokenness, the struggles, the trials, the pains, the hurts, and the hates. All of those days I have doubted that He could use somebody like me, I can simply hear Him say “It’s okay, Brandon. I know what you are going through, and I’m not done working in your life. I’m not done with you. I still have plans for you. This means something.”
In those hard days, God did something amazing. When I thought He never could have used someone like me, He did.